Positive!

It has been almost 6 weeks since I last miscarried. Yesterday I called my doctor, because I have never had to wait so long for my period to come back after a miscarriage. He told me to take a pregnancy test, and if it was negative, to wait another 2-3 weeks before calling him back. Well, I took a test this morning, and it is positive! Actually, it turned positive when I was still peeing on it, which is a good sign. With our last pregnancy, it didn't turn positive until about 3 or 4 minutes later, and even then it was really hard to see. This time it turned up immediately, so at least I know my hormone levels are higher than last time...which gives me hope. Now, because it is Saturday, I will have to wait to see the doc until Monday, which is a little unnerving, because I want to make sure my HCG and my progesterone levels are good. I just want some reassurance. I think I will just go ahead and start my progesterone tonight, since I still have some left from February.

Aghhh! I am so anxious! I can't believe that I am pregnant again! We weren't even trying, because we were told that most women don't ovulate their first cycle after a mc. Apparently, some do...me! I just want so badly to be able to see the future. With everything we have gone through, I just need to know this baby will make it to my arms. I am a little crampy, which I always am in the beginning of pregnancy, but it still worries me.

I am so thankful, last week in my devotions, God gave me a great passage that has just been in my mind everyday since then. It is Psalms 46, which talks about how God is my refuge and strength. It says that no matter what happens in this world, I need not fear. My favorite part of the chapter is verse 10, which says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Somehow, I don't think that my worry and anxiety fits into being still before God. This verse is just the perspective that I need right now. With everything that is coming in the next weeks, and hopefully months, this verse, and my God, will carry me through. Of this I can be sure.